I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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