you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
