Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
