Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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