1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was like eating out sand paper
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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