You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
God I need to hump something, right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
