it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
