4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
