this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
