i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
