I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
