My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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