dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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