so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
