I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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