All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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