Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize