you didnt know i had herpes?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
