Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
