I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
