I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
