Welp...herpes.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
