fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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