he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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