If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize