the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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