Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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