Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
