umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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