He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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