I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
