take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
