Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
