Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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