if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
