i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
