And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Enjoy the penises
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
