Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
