He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The uberlube is also flammable
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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