Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
