marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
