I wish I could punch you in the face.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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