I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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