I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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