i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
