But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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