sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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