i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
