whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
