those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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