I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
