you guys were way drunker than both of me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Mom said you looked used
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
