i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
