Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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