i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
