My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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