this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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