ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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