Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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