How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
