Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
