are you so shy because you have an std?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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