It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
