there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
