too bad you live with your parents still
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
