What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
