im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
