i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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