oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
