wanna go halves on a baby?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize