you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
