it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
