Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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