Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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