I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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