I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As shirtless as possible
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
