Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
