Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize