NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You are a genius and a whore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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