he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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