I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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