I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
