Please, let me fuck your mom
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it's great music for shaving your balls
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize