Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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