i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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