The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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