Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize