Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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