The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
