I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
