just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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