the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
