I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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