Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize