Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
