DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
