Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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