can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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