It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
