Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
