Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
