I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
