Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
