sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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