Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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