where am i from again
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize